Your Mother or Your Wife!

My wife posed a strange question to me tonight. Apparently this is the new fad in Korea...men are asked "if your wife and your mother are drowning (neither can swim) and you have time to save just one of them who would you choose?". Many men say, "my mother, because I can always remarry...but I can never replace my mom." Ok, true enough, but usually its the wives who ask this and one fellow I know said, in front of a throng of relatives (including his wife) that he'd save his mom. The wife was not impressed.

Let's look at this on a more cultural level for a moment. Much of Korean tradition is based on Confucius' teachings; where younger take care of elder, women take care of men and duty to family is first. Parents sacrifice a lot for their kids to get them the best education, lifestyle and necessities; children, in turn, are expected to do the same when they have the means. Thus, a man should choose to save his mother, who did everything for him (and perhaps still does) rather than his wife who is a bit of a late-comer.

The reason for all of this ultimatum questioning comes from family conflict. A husband's mother often endures a lot from her husband, children, society and her own mother-in-law and, not one to stop the cycle, she will often unleash her frustration on the unsuspecting wife. She comes to pry into, advise upon and attempt to control many parts of the couple's lives under the guise of helping her dear son. With divorce becoming more accepted and this has broken up more than a few marriages lately; and now people are getting a little pre-emptive, perhaps, in asking the husband to make a choice in order to ascertain his convictions.

So, men, if you get this question posed to you first think of who is asking it (probably your wife) take a look around the room to find out who is listening and then give the best answer you can. Just remember, you likely sleep with your wife every night, not your mother.