Interacting with Koreans

Minaz and I went out last night. He's here for a week and really wants to see everything before he goes to the Philippines and Thailand...but he'll be back for another 2 weeks after that. Anyways, he really, really wanted to go to 홍대/HongDae (area near Hong-Ik University known for its bars and teeny-bopper/student crowd). Well, I had arranged for a bud of mine that lives and works in Yeouido (이동준/Dong-Jun Lee or "Dong-Jun" or "DJ") to hang with us for a bit. We had a 갈비/kalbi dinner across from my place and things started rolling.

I should back up, though. There are a few things about Korean culture that you may not be up to speed on. One is that younger people should always defer to older people. Even one year younger (as Minaz is with me) is enough. DJ is a little bit younger than me (like 4 months) but we're in the same year so we're technically equals. DJ and I can, according to old-school Korean mores, be friends. Minaz and I can also, but there is always that one year gap. (My other bud Jung-Su and I are from the same year too...same thing applies. My juniors at work can be close, but we are still different.) All this is changing, but it's still very prevalent here. In Canada everyone is pretty much equal, but here (and what DJ and I are used to) this is not the case.

Ok, so back to my story...Minaz wanted to have some fun/drink so he was toasting with soju and insisting we down it. That's no problem for me...but after 5-6 shots I like to slow it down a bit. He, however, wanted to go for the gold and really chastised us for not doing it in 'one-shot'. Well, as a younger person he really can't do that. We can do it to him, and he should comply, but he can't do it to us...at least not as persistently as he did. "Hey, why don't you keep up? You're drinking like a girl," are not things you want to say to your senior without some special permission...and not 3-4 times. Minaz also started talking with the girls at the next table (something that Koreans pretty much never do) and they were curious but basically scared of/timid with him. I've seen that look; it's like a kid and a fire...stareing at it but can't touch it.

Anyways, DJ and I kinda shook it off as Minaz is new to Korea. It happens all the time, actually. Most foreigners come here and see all the positives but don't know or want to follow the rules (myself included) but eventually we all learn to do as much as we can to fit in. At the end of the meal I paid, and Minaz tried to give me money...another no-no. If anything, he should just pay for a comparable meal later; Koreans rarely go Dutch.

Next stop was The Outsider bar, just down the street and in DJ's building. Now, I've been there a few times with clients and my juniors from work and friends so I know many of the staff...but Minaz wanted more. He went up to groups of people at the bars an introduced himself and all that. DJ and I just looked at each other thinking, "What is this guy doing?" A junior can't just leave 2 seniors and do what he wants, he should be with us...and especially if he's just talking to strangers. Man, even in Canada that's pretty out there.


Minaz chatting up everyone in The Outsider (camera phone pretty brutal with distances).

After a while he started to get on the "let's go to HongDae" thing...but I knew that DJ didn't have the energy to go there...and frankly neither did I (um, we worked all day). We thought it was pretty clear..heck there's plenty of time to see it and how jumping can it be on a Wednesday? We left DJ there to blow some of my chips on roulette (not real money, but play$ from the bar) and headed to HongDae. I had to bow out early as I was getting pretty wiped...but Minaz was there for quite a while longer. (He's been all over and knew what to say to the cabbie).

We'll probably be out again tonight, but I've already got plans laid out for us for the weekend, so I'll save myself for that rather than going out til sunrise on a weeknight.

I'd love to see your comments on this (Koreans, foreigners, newbies to Korea) and know what you think of this. Am I hyper-sensitive to this? Am I too Korean now? Should I just let it go?